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Is Being Stubborn A Big Problem Among Children Or Does It Settle With Age?
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My son is extremely stubborn with what he wants and if I don’t give in he throws himself down and bangs his head on the floor. He does that until I give him what he wants because I worry he will hurt himself. Does he need to see a therapist?
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 (1 Answers) |
Tuesday 20th of April 2010 09:21:19 PM
Hi,
First of all, I would say that a parent should get professional advice if that makes them feel more comfortable - feeling confident in what you are doing is so important, it will help you to be consistent, and the child can sense it too.
But kids are really smart, they know what they want, and they have no idea what's good for them! If he has found a tactic to get what he wants, he will use it. Stubbornness is common, but in my opinion, it is something they can learn by repeatedly getting what they want...
The behaviour you are describing is quite common in very young children, say between 1 and 4 maybe? And it is very difficult not to react when they appear to be hurting themselves, but children are much happier overall when they know their boundaries. If a child hears 'no' and they think that a tantrum might get them what they want, this can produce a lot of uncertainty and anxiety. If they know that the parent means what they say, they may be initially disappointed, but they will still feel secure, and they will quickly move on.
Recently, my daughter, 2 was ill for much longer than normal. I would describe her as an happy, easy-going child, but I have to say she got a bit spoiled, which then turned into very demanding, and ultimately quite unhappy. Getting what she wanted didn't make her happy, it just made her demands more specific! In the end I had to get quite tough with her, and actively looked for opportunities not to give her what she wanted, and yes, she was not happy about it at all! But because I was consistent, she quickly adjusted, and began to accept what she was given, and be happy with that. Now she is my happy, cheerful baby again, and I had missed her too!
Anyway, if you are really worried, then by all means get reassurance from a professional, so that you have the confidence to be firm, and not be afraid when he tries to frighten you. After all, you are the only one in the world who loves him enough to say 'No'.
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